A Penultimate Theory of Everything

The internet is full of people writing their Theory of Everything. Here's mine!

— Yet Another Penultimate Theory of Everything —

When a man and a lady love one another, they get together and produce smaller copies of themselves; these are called babies. You were one of these.

You descended from other apes that have acquired language. This lets you interface with various collectives, including other apes, larger groupings of apes, groups of groups, and so on.

Thus, you get to learn stories that tell you Everything about reality.

Thus you, or any sentient collective, discover what the stories claim is “important.” (“Not falling apart” is a good example of something considered important, while “having the best shoes” is generally considered less important.)

Beyond the sketchy details of the story above, little is actually known for certain.

Some say we all live inside a computer, and at this particular moment it's kind of hard for you to argue that I don't.

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